Good question...

So I was doing my laundry today, waiting for my clothes to finish drying, casually looking around the room for something to entertain me for the next 5 minutes. I noticed a big board full of random thought provoking questions: one of which was "how will people remember you?"

I'm not sure how, but somehow I've managed to not ask myself this in a very long time. Not because I'm apathetic to the impact I impart upon the lives of other people, but it hasn't crossed my mind. How do people remember me? If by some freak accident, knock on wood, I died tomorrow, what would people say about the late Nathan Hicks? Would their memories be positive or negative? Would they cherish the good times and think "Nathan had a great spirit and wouldn't want us to sulk on his account" or would they frown upon the bad times and think "well he certainly isn't in a better place.."?

Now, I'll admit, I may be going through something of a funk at this point in my life, but this is in no way a self pitying kind of thought process. Far from it. I want to delve into an analysis of the way I act around and treat other people. I want to be the guy that people know was always there for them, to support them and cheer them up when they're in need, or even if they're not. I want to be the guy who lights up a room whenever he enters, a guy who gives every chance he gets, and fights for those who can't fight for themselves. I want to be a man who everyone looks up to, but looks down on no one. I want to be the man who improves the lives of every individual he meets and lets everyone know that the world is indeed a good place. I want to inspire!

That's the man I want to be. Am I anywhere near there? Most certainly not. Perhaps I could be bold enough to say that I've at least had some kind of impact on the lives of at least a few of the people closest to me. But I'm nowhere close to being the man I want to be.

Everyone has to start somewhere though, right?

Aspirations

Ok... I need to improve some things. First off, more sleep. Bed before midnight whenever it is at all possible. Second, more exercise, which shouldn't be too difficult because right now I'm not getting any. Third, or "turd" as an old floormate would pronounce it, I need to get on top of my school work, finish things early and get ahead of the game.

If that means less social time, less AIM, so be it. If anyone wants to do something with me, they can call me. And that way I won't feel like a dill weed sitting around on AIM and not talking to anyone.

Failure is me.

I have got to be the shittiest son ever. How can I sit there and spend 3 straight hours on my cell phone, dailing every 10 seconds to try to get football tickets, then finally succeed and make my parents really happy and excited, and then completely forget to pick the tickets up the next day? Not only is that $70 down the drain, but I got their hopes up and crushed them in a matter of 20 hours. And of course, this is after being a dumbass and getting into an accident with a giant Pepsi truck and then getting a ticket, which of course is the reason for them spending 4 hours out of one of their days to come to Gainesville.

I should probably drop out of school, get a few girls pregnant and then ask my parents to help with child support. Maybe curse at them and spit in their faces while I'm at it.

No. I know I'm overreacting, but sometimes you just feel defeated, like everything seems to backfire in your face and nothing works out very well.

But alas, tomorrow we're going to kick the living crap out of Southern Mississippi and all will be well... because football season has returned and it will be glorious.