Here's to you, Gramma..

You know, it's funny, you can see something coming for years sometimes, but it still shocks you when it finally happens. Like that car you've had for 15 years that keeps on hanging in there, and even though it's had random parts falling off for several years, and it randomly has tiny little explosions, you still feel as if it'll always be there. Why do we have these expectations?

Life is a delicate, beautiful vase. We really forget how fragile it is, even though we know how easily it can break. And so often we forget how beautiful it really is, because our focus is diverted by the overpowering presence of the flowers it houses. But just like the flowers it holds, the vase won't last forever, regardless of how far into the future that may be. Entropy is inevitable, and death is just a part of life.

For the past five or six years, I've seen you wither away, becoming almost an empty shell. I want to say my biggest regret is never really truly getting to know you and appreciate you as a person, but regret is the wrong word. I was still too young to really appreciate and value any person for who they really were before it was too late. The most overwhelming sadness lies in the fact that almost all of my clear memories of you were when the real you inside was trapped and unable to really communicate with the outside world. All other memories from before are fuzzy and vague.

I don't know where my beliefs are, so I don't know where you are, but I hope that this juncture served as an end to your suffering. I hope you're in a good place where you can remember all the amazing times you've experienced. And ignorant me, I don't even know what so many of those are. Living all over the world with your incredibly devoted husband. The birth of your two children, and the birth of your two grandchildren, the last was the most glorious, of course. But seriously, I hope there's something good for you, and that's all I have - hope. And I wish I could have seen you one last time, as you wish I could have, the real you.

You can learn from every experience. My children will know their grandparents, if at all possible, and hopefully it will be. And I know that there are friends who have gone through losses before as well. I am truly fortunate to have friends who are supportive and caring, thank you.

I wish the best for all of you and your loved ones.

"August evenings bring solemn warnings to remember to kiss the ones you love goodnight." -Anberlin